Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
