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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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