just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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