Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
