what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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