somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
how does that bad decision feel?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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