No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
