i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
