You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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