I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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