Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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