So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
