in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
