in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
