Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
