oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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