He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
