Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
