As long as you're not dating white guys again.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
