so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
