How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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