I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Randomize
