dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
