Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
