Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
