Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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