just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
