Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
