i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
