i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
