just tell him i said nine months
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
