butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
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