Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
