You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
