I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
