apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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