How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
did i just pee glitter
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
