Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
