so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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