i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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