woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
