I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
