i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
