Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
