I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
