I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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