the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
