my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
