I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
