just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Randomize
