Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
