That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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