someone threw a dead crab at me
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
