Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
